I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
