we're chasing vodka with high fives
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
