He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize