I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
