Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
