I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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