i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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