I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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