I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
