i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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