my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
