Her vagina should come with caution tape.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
