i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
