My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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