You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
