Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
