Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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