my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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