pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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