i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
