Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Two words: nipple clamps
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