Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
