god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
no you cant smoke seaweed
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
