you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We have so much sex to catch up on
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
