The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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