I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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