I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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