just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
