i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
