Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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