other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
