I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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