onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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