Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Can Purell be used as lube?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
