Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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