oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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