1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
