oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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