i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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