bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
