i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
