At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize