i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
