there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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