Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
