I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
