Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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