forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Randomize