I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
