Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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