I'm eating all of the evidence.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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