Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
