What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
