they need to just BURY HIM!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
