I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize