Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
