We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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