I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
do nipples grow back?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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