Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
