I cannot find my penis.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
