You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
