Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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