You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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