I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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