so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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