Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
50% drunk capacity currently
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
