Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
