I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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