we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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