In the future we'll all be gay
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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