Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
