a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
