Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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