I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
