After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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