don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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