i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
