haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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