i just had sex bonerless
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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