Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Is Oprah even human
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
