am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
