i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
