I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize