You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
