Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
foreskin is a definite game changer
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
