She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
